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Caring Concern vs. Stalking

We’ve seen this scene countless times: the damsel in distress rescued at just the right moment by the dashing hero. And Christian rescues Ana more than once, “just happening” to be in the right place at exactly the right time. And it’s hot, right? Someone swooping in as the savior, taking responsibility for our safety. … Continue reading

Guest Post: FlamingJune on Sub Drop and Support

Evie and I were talking the other day, and she asked, “What are the top reasons people come to your group?” I have been running Submissive Safe Space (SSS), a discussion and support group for s-types in San Francisco, for the past four years. I thought of three topics off the top of my head … Continue reading

Dom, Sadist, Top, Daddy — What’s the Difference?

In the search for your own Christian Grey, you’ll no doubt run across a variety of types on the dom spectrum—and, as with most other character traits, most people aren’t purely one type. “Dom” is a broad term for anyone who feels more comfortable being dominant (that is, being in charge). Doms can also be … Continue reading

Christian Grey, Magical Mind Reader

He answers Ana’s unspoken thoughts. He’s always there when she’s in trouble. He seems to know what she wants before she herself knows. I’m calling major bullshit here. I mean, seriously, all that mind reading almost instantly? Totally unrealistic. After you’ve been with a dom for a while, it can certainly seem sometimes like he’s reading your … Continue reading

“Don’t fall in love with your first dom”

You hear this all the time in BDSM circles, especially as a newbie. “Don’t fall in love with your first dom.” Ridiculous! For one thing, you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? The heart wants what it wants. For another, love in any form is a beautiful thing to treasure. Your heart … Continue reading

“But I’m not submissive”

Well hell, neither am I. What do you think of when you think “submissive”? Someone weak, indecisive, wavering, timid? Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary before James Spader gave her all that confidence? Sure, some people with submissive tendencies also have the stereotypical traits. There are also kick-ass, decisive, high-powered people who find being submissive on occasion … Continue reading

Where do the Christian Greys hang out?

…when they’re not jetting around the world or running multimillion-dollar businesses, that is? OK so let’s just acknowledge that the super-rich part is more likely to stay in the realm of fantasy for most people. But would you settle for reasonably successful? There are plenty of that type who are also trained in the kinky arts. … Continue reading

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