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“Don’t fall in love with your first dom”

You hear this all the time in BDSM circles, especially as a newbie. “Don’t fall in love with your first dom.” Ridiculous! For one thing, you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? The heart wants what it wants. For another, love in any form is a beautiful thing to treasure. Your heart may get hurt, oh yes indeed, but that’s the case with any kind of relationship worth having. No risk, no reward. And love is a precious reward worth having even if it’s only temporary, even if the tears threaten to drown you if it goes away.

I fell in love with my first dom, and although I now have a vial filled with tears from when we finally broke up (and btw they’re not those magical pristine crystalline drops of Disney films; they’re real and muddied with mascara and face makeup), I don’t regret one minute of our time together. He opened me up in a way that no one else could. And yes, the pain when we broke up was infinitely worse than any whipping, flogging, or any other impact I ever took by his hand.

The suffering still lies in my heart all the time, waiting for some trigger to call it to the surface. But if I could go back in time, would I choose not to fall in love with him? Hell, no. It was worth it.

Love is always worth it.




6 thoughts on ““Don’t fall in love with your first dom”

  1. I didn’t fall in love with my first Dom, but I did love him…and he still ended up breaking my heart. Like you, he was the beginning of it all for me and I will always be grateful to him for it. It’s been my experience that breakups are so much more intense when it happens with someone I play with. For me, there is so much more trust involved in a BDSM relationship and hen that trust is violated it’s that much more devastating. That being said, I feel that I’ve become a much stronger person because of it. No regrets: only lessons.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Laura Flows | September 6, 2014, 6:00 pm
  2. I did not “fall-in love” with my first Dom, but I did love him and cared for him a great deal. I still do even though we don’t talk much or even see each other much. Our relationship was more of a support type relationship. We provided a safe haven/outlet for the other. He showed me/introduced me to some of my now favorite things, along with many people I now consider friends/acquaintances. I would not change it for anything. Love, in any form, is something to be proud of, even if the relationship ends, the love doesn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by kmclove | September 28, 2014, 3:01 am
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    Posted by UrsulaMcCathi | May 23, 2015, 7:02 pm
  4. Am a newbie and met the most amazing Dom a couple weeks ago! Yes my first. We haven’t met in person yet but text and one phone call and I am falling hard and fast for him! He is reaching places inside me I never even knew existed and touching me in ways no man had ever come close to! He is gorgeous outside, sweet, tender, patient inside and I’m struggling to keep from falling in love with him and dying if it doesn’t work out! How do you keep from loving too much when serving him must come from a place of love? Just the thought of displeasing him and losing him at this point makes me cry! HELP!!!???


    Posted by Andrea l Callaghan | December 23, 2016, 8:41 pm
  5. How the hell did you ever get over it. Ours was spontaneous and complicated we didn’t even meet in a bdsm chat we met on tinder and had no idea that we are that compatible. We are from two different countries too and it was complicated as hell. I came back for him and nothing turned out right. I feel that only another sub can understand that inexplicable but oh so strong love. I wish I could just forget about him. 😢


    Posted by Anon | February 2, 2017, 12:54 am

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