In the search for your own Christian Grey, you’ll no doubt run across a variety of types on the dom spectrum—and, as with most other character traits, most people aren’t purely one type. “Dom” is a broad term for anyone who feels more comfortable being dominant (that is, being in charge). Doms can also be sadists, meaning they derive pleasure from giving pain. They can be Daddy types, who love to nurture and protect. They can be tops, who derive pleasure not necessarily from submission, but from the act of providing a play experience. Some tops even consider themselves service tops, meaning their pleasure comes from providing the experience the bottom wants. Are service tops still dominant then? I know; it gets confusing! The answer is, it all depends on the individual person—and he can even be a combination of all these things.
Here we need to mention that some guys who seem very dominant are, in fact, psychopaths. And obviously you want to avoid those. Trust your instinct on whether someone gives you the creeps or something else just feels “off” about them. (Read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker, to learn more about the value of heeding instinct.)
My favorite type is dom with a sadistic streak and a touch of Daddy. What’s your favorite type? And have you ever been with someone like that? Please share your experience in the comments section!