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Basics, Uncategorized

Dom, Sadist, Top, Daddy — What’s the Difference?

In the search for your own Christian Grey, you’ll no doubt run across a variety of types on the dom spectrum—and, as with most other character traits, most people aren’t purely one type. “Dom” is a broad term for anyone who feels more comfortable being dominant (that is, being in charge). Doms can also be sadists, meaning they derive pleasure from giving pain. They can be Daddy types, who love to nurture and protect. They can be tops, who derive pleasure not necessarily from submission, but from the act of providing a play experience. Some tops even consider themselves service tops, meaning their pleasure comes from providing the experience the bottom wants. Are service tops still dominant then? I know; it gets confusing! The answer is, it all depends on the individual person—and he can even be a combination of all these things.

Here we need to mention that some guys who seem very dominant are, in fact, psychopaths. And obviously you want to avoid those. Trust your instinct on whether someone gives you the creeps or something else just feels “off” about them. (Read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker, to learn more about the value of heeding instinct.)

My favorite type is dom with a sadistic streak and a touch of Daddy. What’s your favorite type? And have you ever been with someone like that? Please share your experience in the comments section!



6 thoughts on “Dom, Sadist, Top, Daddy — What’s the Difference?

  1. My favorite type is one that knows/understands what a bottom may/has experienced and adjusts to his/her partner.So, for me that would be a Sadistic Daddy Dom. He can take pleasure from giving the pain desired but also wants to provide the nurturing care afterwards. He doesn’t care just because he feels like it’s “expected” or “the norm” but does it because HE wants to and enjoys it.

    Liked by 2 people

    Posted by kmclove | September 28, 2014, 2:49 am
    • it’s called “aftercare” and i assume he has to WANT and ENJOY it, or else he would be missing portions of his brain and therefore considered to be anti-social something…


      Posted by Sandra | June 22, 2017, 1:17 pm
  2. The Sadistic Daddy Dom seems to be a popular type–and my favorite too 🙂 with more focus on dom and less on sadist. They have an edge and make things challenging for us, but they care deeply about us and make us feel special too.


    Posted by evievane | September 29, 2014, 4:08 pm
  3. So glad someone else is recommending The Gift of Fear! I’ve always thought that should be compulsory reading for submissive women coming into the scene!

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Yingtai | October 13, 2014, 11:32 pm
  4. Whatever the dom, just make sure you talk about boundaries beforehand. I ended up engaged to a dom who didn’t communicate any of this to me, and the result was disastrous. I know one thing for sure, though -there’s no possible way any man can control me. The dom mentality is definitely attractive, though, because they do care. It’s kinda sweet.


    Posted by Anonymous | August 1, 2016, 4:25 pm
  5. i keep missing the point. are we talking mere play or everything else surrounding it? whether it’s a relationship, marriage, whatever? if it’s just that isolated, bdsm moment, then it seems as though daddy is just a soft version of dom and dom is just a soft version of a sadist…


    Posted by Sandra | June 22, 2017, 1:25 pm

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