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Basics, Personal Growth, Uncategorized

What to Change About Yourself to Attract Your Christian Grey

How many times have we heard, “Nobody’s perfect”? And as you embark on your quest for a dominant, it’s all too easy to feel like you don’t measure up to the other girls competing for doms’  affections. (Is it just me or does it seem like there are way more submissive women than dominant men?) Among the hordes of s-types are girls who are prettier, smarter, younger, more experienced, with bigger breasts/smaller breasts, bigger asses/smaller asses…you know, just better than you, you think. “If only I were X,” you tell yourself, “He would want me.”

So what should you change about yourself to attract the dominant man of your dreams? The answer is: nothing.

You heard right. Nothing. Because the well-intentioned saying “Nobody’s perfect” is hogwash. We are all perfect—perfect humans are “imperfect” beings.  All of our trials and tribulations, our confusion and doubt and feelings of inadequacy make us perfectly human. Besides, without the things that make us real, life would be very, very boring.

The dominant type who is right for you will appreciate you for who you are. And even though he may help you achieve any goals you might have, with a loving dominant it will come from a place of wanting you to feel better about yourself, not because you’re presently inadequate.

I get depressed cyclically. Usually I hole up at home when the depressive episodes hit, keeping it to myself in an effort to hide this major imperfection, and praying this won’t be the time I don’t make it. Last week there was a fun monthly event I usually attend, but that damned depression demon showed up. For some reason this time I didn’t give in to it. I texted the organizer and said, “I’m a total mess and can’t stop crying. Can I come anyway?” He said, “Sure.”

And I went and sat on his lap and cried pretty much the whole time. Other friends came and sat next to me, and I cried in front of them too. No one told me I was an embarrassment or to get it together; in fact, a few dominant friends tried to cheer me up with some light face slapping and spanking etc. in addition to just listening. And miraculously, by the end of the night, the clouds had dissipated! I was feeling downright cheery, in fact. And I think my friends felt good about helping, making a real and immediate difference in someone’e life. So in a way, I wasn’t the burden I had thought but an agent of good—and possibly even a little entertaining in the process.

Although I struggle with perfectionism all the time, experiences like this remind me that we really are perfect exactly as we are, even if it’s in ways that are hard to see. And the dominant man who is worthy of your affections will adore you just as you are. So if anything needs changing, maybe it’s just our mindset about how we see ourselves.

Your turn: Is there something about yourself you keep wanting to change or have been struggling to accept? Please share it in the comments section.

Photo by Flickr user sarah.krh, published under Creative Commons license

Photo by Flickr user sarah.krh, published under Creative Commons license



2 thoughts on “What to Change About Yourself to Attract Your Christian Grey

  1. Accepting and honoring self and having friends doing same for you is vital in life, in and out of kink. You appear to know just that in your writing here.

    However, knowing in concept and believing in heart of hearts can be different. Your bouts of severe depression might be suggestive on that point. Having suffered same for several years, can be addressed with good counseling and, sometimes the right Med. Hope you have explored same.

    Best to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by T | October 12, 2014, 8:10 pm


  1. Pingback: Jian Ghomeshi: Scum of the Earth | The University of Abject Submission - October 29, 2014

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