This category contains 11 posts

5 “More” Reasons to Try Rope Bondage — Whether You’re Kinky or Not

Longing to be bound to the bedpost blindfolded? Or maybe being tied naked to a tree is more your cup of tea. If visions of bondage have been dancing through your head — or maybe just shyly peeking in before you firmly shut them out — this might help get them out of your head … Continue reading

5 Reasons to Try Rope Bondage — Whether You’re Kinky or Not

Forget hard-core kinky porn for a minute. You don’t need to be strung from the ceiling by a hook in your ass whimpering through a ball gag to get the benefits of rope bondage, in the bedroom or out of it. In fact, if your only exposure to bondage is through sadistic porn, you might … Continue reading

What to Change About Yourself to Attract Your Christian Grey

How many times have we heard, “Nobody’s perfect”? And as you embark on your quest for a dominant, it’s all too easy to feel like you don’t measure up to the other girls competing for doms’  affections. (Is it just me or does it seem like there are way more submissive women than dominant men?) Among the hordes … Continue reading

Real-Life Red Rooms

Christian’s Red Room (of pain/pleasure), as Ana calls it, is nicely outfitted with everything a girl could want for a kinky good time. But what if your dom can’t devote the space or a huge wad of cash to a room dedicated to kinky sex? Have no fear; it’s public and semi-public playspaces and dungeons to the … Continue reading

Guest Post: FlamingJune on Sub Drop and Support

Evie and I were talking the other day, and she asked, “What are the top reasons people come to your group?” I have been running Submissive Safe Space (SSS), a discussion and support group for s-types in San Francisco, for the past four years. I thought of three topics off the top of my head … Continue reading

Dom, Sadist, Top, Daddy — What’s the Difference?

In the search for your own Christian Grey, you’ll no doubt run across a variety of types on the dom spectrum—and, as with most other character traits, most people aren’t purely one type. “Dom” is a broad term for anyone who feels more comfortable being dominant (that is, being in charge). Doms can also be … Continue reading

“Don’t fall in love with your first dom”

You hear this all the time in BDSM circles, especially as a newbie. “Don’t fall in love with your first dom.” Ridiculous! For one thing, you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? The heart wants what it wants. For another, love in any form is a beautiful thing to treasure. Your heart … Continue reading

“But I’m not submissive”

Well hell, neither am I. What do you think of when you think “submissive”? Someone weak, indecisive, wavering, timid? Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary before James Spader gave her all that confidence? Sure, some people with submissive tendencies also have the stereotypical traits. There are also kick-ass, decisive, high-powered people who find being submissive on occasion … Continue reading

Where do the Christian Greys hang out?

…when they’re not jetting around the world or running multimillion-dollar businesses, that is? OK so let’s just acknowledge that the super-rich part is more likely to stay in the realm of fantasy for most people. But would you settle for reasonably successful? There are plenty of that type who are also trained in the kinky arts. … Continue reading

Dominant vs. Abusive

There are domly guys, and then there are just dicks. Trust me, there are a lot of misogynists out there—men who really don’t like and respect women—masquerading as the Christian Grey type. And there are all kinds way they can mistreat you: physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse. I’m a bit of an emotional masochist … Continue reading

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